Most people may not understand this. Pardon me for saying this, but most of us eat whatever is dropped on our plate. At least you should know better !!
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Easy To Understand Nihilistic Quotes II
Most people may not understand this. Pardon me for saying this, but most of us eat whatever is dropped on our plate. At least you should know better !!
Easy To Understand Nihilistic Quotes
If you get and understand this NIHILISTIC QUOTE, you are an intelligent young man, and that you are AWAKE.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Nothing Much But All Okay
Victoria Azarenka (Belarusian: Вікторыя Фёдараўна Азаранка (Viktoriya Fyodorovna Azarenka), (Russian: Викто́рия Фёдоровна Аза́ренко), born 31 July 1989 is a Belarusian professional tennis player. She is a former world No. 1 and is currently world No. 49 as of 2 February 2015.
She has won two Australian Open singles titles (2012 and 2013), becoming the first Belarusian player to win a Grand Slam singles title. Her other achievements include winning the bronze medal at the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, two mixed doubles Grand Slam titles—the 2007 US Open with Max Mirnyi, the 2008 French Open with Bob Bryan—and the gold medal in the mixed doubles at the 2012 Summer Olympics with Max Mirnyi.
In August 2013, Azarenka was named the fourth highest paid female athlete in the world by Forbes Magazine, with total earnings of $15.7 million between 2012–2013. Her prize money constituted $6.7 million while her growing endorsements equaled $9 million. Azarenka's $7.9 million prize money haul in 2012 was a single year record for a female athlete in any sport.
Ooh la......
Thursday, February 19, 2015
What Is Nihilism
In other words, a nihilist is a "person who does not bow down to any authority, who does not accept any principle, however much that principle may be revered."
The human mind creates ethics, moral codes, rules, excuses and justifications for the deepest epiphany and the most trivial event alike.
Some even go so far as to hijack random events and misinterpret them as self-created, the psychological principle known as 'illusion of control'. Unfortunately the complexities of the human mind merely make it easier to believe in fantasy and entertain delusion.
Such an effort to find greater significance where there really is none and this only leads to wayward guidance and specious justifications. Those concocted reasons are then used to justify what need not be justified like our continued existence except based upon lies, setting up everyone for the fall when the myth erodes.
Everything would move onward quite smoothly without any human minds around to believe in good, bad and/ or any other fictions, which it did before us and it would do so after as well. Instead the Nihilist is concerned with the things that matter whether anyone believes in them or not; all those forces and factors that influence even the things that don't think.
Self-delusion may well be the defining quality of human nature. Lies maintain our flimsy order, we find consolation in myths like 'what we do has significance' and 'the bad gets punished'.
The constant avalanche of empirical evidence to the contrary simply gets relegated to the third class bureau of irrational philosophers.
In short, hypocrisy can only flourish when goodness is defined not only as kind and altruistic behavior, but as sticking to the rules as well.
Clearly we have a dilemma on our hands...
That is to say a real, mature nihilist is a very serious person with a sharp and cogent mind, but who also is dealing with a double edged sword that can just as easily lead to damage, as to enlightenment.
As humbling as it is, the scale and perhaps significance of humanity shrinks in accordance with the magnitude of our knowledge.
A basic understanding of cosmology leads to the ultimate nihilism.
Springing from a cosmic accident, we have apparently no purpose, objectives or value.
As a "practiising nihilist" [ and I hate myself for that ], I say it's our domain and we can make it a hell or a heaven. But as long as we prejudge the decision absolving ourselves of responsibility then it probably will be a realm of "mr. hot stuff".
If that's what everyone expects, then that's all it will ever be.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
The Tracker - Stillwell shoots Noble Adams
"The Tracker" is just an old TV-movie from the 1980's you might think, but thanks to Kevin Jarre's well-written story the film works very well, better than most modern action-oriented Westerns. But the film has also Kris Kristofferson in the main role, and he is suitable as Noble Adams.
I think Kristofferson clearly shows that he handles his role very well, and one of the main reasons why the film works the way it does. Scott Wilson as the protagonist is excellent as usual, with strong contributions by all cast involved. I urge any true Western fan to obtain and watch THE TRACKER; it is an experience to be enjoyed and appreciated.
Any fan of the western genre should collect it.
Monday, February 16, 2015
Pranchiyettan And The Saint - Malayalam Movie
Hilarious - Must Watch - Highlights so many aspects of Trichur !
Friday, February 13, 2015
Indian Politicians Replacing A Light Bulb..
Dr. Kiran Bedi
Onlookers gathered at the house with the dead bulb scatter as a huge crane approaches with a loud honk. Dr. Kiran Bedi waves from the driver’s seat, cuing cheers from the crowd. Buoyed by the crowd’s response, she starts blowing flying kisses to the crowd.
With great dexterity and focus, Dr. Bedi moves a lever and navigates the crane’s hook through the door of the house. Dr. Bedi then presses a button that makes the hook clamp on the dead bulb. Dr. Bedi pulls the lever back, and the hook pulls the bulb out of its socket, and holds it high for gathered onlookers to see. A roar spreads through the crowd.
However, instead of putting in the new bulb, Dr. Bedi begins to click a few photos of the crowd, then grabs a microphone and starts giving a speech. “Kaisi lagi yeh? Aap dekhte rahiye, main is bulb ki sach much watt laga doongi [How did you like it? Keep watching, I'll take this bulb's case],” Dr. Bedi chirps with child-like excitement. The crowd looks a bit bewildered.
Undeterred, she continues, “I have been an administrator for 40 years! I have been a political scientist and I have also been an electrician. Yeh dekhiye! [Look at this!]” and opens a blue file, with the word “bulbs” on its cover. As Dr. Bedi wades through the file, each page containing images of different bulbs, the crowd starts murmuring, clearly distracted.
Dr. Bedi continues anyway, “Mitron, I have just 1 formula for light bulbs – 3F: Fuse, Filament, Fluorescence. Repeat after me!” The crowd, however, is clearly not paying attention. Dr. Bedi says, “You people are not listening to me! Listen and repeat after me.”
By this time, the crowd decides it has had enough and starts screaming out Modi’s name. Dr. Bedi covers her face, wipes a few tears and, “I can’t continue like this.” Seeing no signs of sympathy from the crowd, Dr. Bedi says, “I’m sorry, I’ve to go tow something else. There are 3 other objects waiting to be towed by me. See you some other time,” and leaves the venue.
Later, Dr. Bedi reasons, “I have not escaped from fixing the light bulb. I have evolved into a different reasoning. My party has escaped and it has to introspect. I will say I’ve escaped only when I’ve not tried my best to fix it.”
Smriti Irani
The nation’s favorite bahu, Union HRD Minister Smriti Irani arrives at the venue at 6 am, looks at the dead bulb and bursts into tears. The bulb is taken to a nearby lake, burned and then immersed. While residents of the house wait for a replacement, Smriti tells them that she will be a little late. The HRD minister then makes a quick dash to her astrologer, who looks at the new bulb, chants some mantras and says that there’s a Rahu Kaal for the next 2 hours and 11.30 am is good muhurat to install the new bulb.
Complying with his recommendation, Smriti leaves at 11 am, immediately after the Rahu Kaal lapses and heads to the venue with the bulb. As residents wait eagerly, Smriti pauses and observes the clock, until it turns 11.30. She then quickly fits in the new bulb and switches it on. Grateful residents of the house thank her profusely.
Smriti, however, says that it’s not enough. An official hands over a certificate, which the residents are asked to sign. The certificate reads: “This is to certify that Mr/Ms. Smriti Irani has successfully completed a crash course in fixing a light bulb at our residence. Signed/- ”
By this time, Prof. Madhu Kishwar has already written a stinging blog post, detailing why the new bulb is not likely to last more than a month.
Arun Jaitley
Cool as ever, Finance Minister Arun Jaitley arrives at the venue, turns the switch on and verifies that the bulb is indeed dead. As the residents of the house watch, Jaitley makes a couple of quick phone calls. In 10 minutes, the gate opens and an NDTV OB van comes in. Shekhar Gupta walks to the location, greets Jaitley and once the camera rolls, the Finance Minister pulls the dead bulb out and the duo walk around the house in the garden, filming another episode of NDTV’s “Walk The Talk” until they reach the dustbin, where Jaitley throws the dead bulb away.
While he walks back to the wall to install the new one, NDTV’s Barkha Dutt waits, overseeing the positioning of 2 chairs adjacent to the wall. As the camera rolls, Jaitley installs the new bulb, switches it on and under the bright light, the two of them take their seats. Barkha begins an hour-long interview about with bulb with Jaitley, where he says that he plans to allot Rupees 100 Crore in the upcoming budget to replace dead light bulbs.
Akhilesh Yadav
The UP CM arrives in his convoy at the residence where the bulb has gone dead. As his car door opens, Akhilesh emerges in a white skull cap, followed by his father. Mulayam asks him, “Beta, have you done this before?” to which the CM replies, “No dad, but fear not. I’ve downloaded videos of how to replace light bulbs. I’ll just watch this now and do it.”
Opening his laptop, Akhilesh plays a downloaded documentary on fixing a light bulb, watches it for 2 minutes and then proceeds to remove the dead bulb. Upon realizing that the residents in the house are Muslims, Akhilesh announces a complete waiver on the new bulb’s electricity charges. He then installs a brand new bulb in its place and turns the switch on. The bulb doesn’t glow and they all realize that there is a day-long power cut in the area.
Azam Khan
The senior Samajwadi Party leader arrives at the house where the bulb has gone dead, discovers that the residents are Muslims, and announces that this happened because they are Muslims. Azam pulls the dead bulb out and promises to be back with a new bulb soon. The next day, Azam undertakes a 2-week long massive study tour, across Europe, North America, South America, Antractica and Australia, to learn how light bulbs are replaced in those continents.
Once he’s back, Azam returns to the house and fixes a new bulb in the residence. He tells the residents that the old bulb will be handed over to the Waqf board.
Post Courtesy
http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/02/13/exclusive-part-2-indian-politicians-replace-a-light-bulb/
(Image via indiatoday.com)
Onlookers gathered at the house with the dead bulb scatter as a huge crane approaches with a loud honk. Dr. Kiran Bedi waves from the driver’s seat, cuing cheers from the crowd. Buoyed by the crowd’s response, she starts blowing flying kisses to the crowd.
With great dexterity and focus, Dr. Bedi moves a lever and navigates the crane’s hook through the door of the house. Dr. Bedi then presses a button that makes the hook clamp on the dead bulb. Dr. Bedi pulls the lever back, and the hook pulls the bulb out of its socket, and holds it high for gathered onlookers to see. A roar spreads through the crowd.
However, instead of putting in the new bulb, Dr. Bedi begins to click a few photos of the crowd, then grabs a microphone and starts giving a speech. “Kaisi lagi yeh? Aap dekhte rahiye, main is bulb ki sach much watt laga doongi [How did you like it? Keep watching, I'll take this bulb's case],” Dr. Bedi chirps with child-like excitement. The crowd looks a bit bewildered.
Undeterred, she continues, “I have been an administrator for 40 years! I have been a political scientist and I have also been an electrician. Yeh dekhiye! [Look at this!]” and opens a blue file, with the word “bulbs” on its cover. As Dr. Bedi wades through the file, each page containing images of different bulbs, the crowd starts murmuring, clearly distracted.
Dr. Bedi continues anyway, “Mitron, I have just 1 formula for light bulbs – 3F: Fuse, Filament, Fluorescence. Repeat after me!” The crowd, however, is clearly not paying attention. Dr. Bedi says, “You people are not listening to me! Listen and repeat after me.”
By this time, the crowd decides it has had enough and starts screaming out Modi’s name. Dr. Bedi covers her face, wipes a few tears and, “I can’t continue like this.” Seeing no signs of sympathy from the crowd, Dr. Bedi says, “I’m sorry, I’ve to go tow something else. There are 3 other objects waiting to be towed by me. See you some other time,” and leaves the venue.
Later, Dr. Bedi reasons, “I have not escaped from fixing the light bulb. I have evolved into a different reasoning. My party has escaped and it has to introspect. I will say I’ve escaped only when I’ve not tried my best to fix it.”
Smriti Irani
The nation’s favorite bahu, Union HRD Minister Smriti Irani arrives at the venue at 6 am, looks at the dead bulb and bursts into tears. The bulb is taken to a nearby lake, burned and then immersed. While residents of the house wait for a replacement, Smriti tells them that she will be a little late. The HRD minister then makes a quick dash to her astrologer, who looks at the new bulb, chants some mantras and says that there’s a Rahu Kaal for the next 2 hours and 11.30 am is good muhurat to install the new bulb.
Complying with his recommendation, Smriti leaves at 11 am, immediately after the Rahu Kaal lapses and heads to the venue with the bulb. As residents wait eagerly, Smriti pauses and observes the clock, until it turns 11.30. She then quickly fits in the new bulb and switches it on. Grateful residents of the house thank her profusely.
Smriti, however, says that it’s not enough. An official hands over a certificate, which the residents are asked to sign. The certificate reads: “This is to certify that Mr/Ms. Smriti Irani has successfully completed a crash course in fixing a light bulb at our residence. Signed/- ”
By this time, Prof. Madhu Kishwar has already written a stinging blog post, detailing why the new bulb is not likely to last more than a month.
Arun Jaitley
Cool as ever, Finance Minister Arun Jaitley arrives at the venue, turns the switch on and verifies that the bulb is indeed dead. As the residents of the house watch, Jaitley makes a couple of quick phone calls. In 10 minutes, the gate opens and an NDTV OB van comes in. Shekhar Gupta walks to the location, greets Jaitley and once the camera rolls, the Finance Minister pulls the dead bulb out and the duo walk around the house in the garden, filming another episode of NDTV’s “Walk The Talk” until they reach the dustbin, where Jaitley throws the dead bulb away.
While he walks back to the wall to install the new one, NDTV’s Barkha Dutt waits, overseeing the positioning of 2 chairs adjacent to the wall. As the camera rolls, Jaitley installs the new bulb, switches it on and under the bright light, the two of them take their seats. Barkha begins an hour-long interview about with bulb with Jaitley, where he says that he plans to allot Rupees 100 Crore in the upcoming budget to replace dead light bulbs.
Akhilesh Yadav
The UP CM arrives in his convoy at the residence where the bulb has gone dead. As his car door opens, Akhilesh emerges in a white skull cap, followed by his father. Mulayam asks him, “Beta, have you done this before?” to which the CM replies, “No dad, but fear not. I’ve downloaded videos of how to replace light bulbs. I’ll just watch this now and do it.”
Opening his laptop, Akhilesh plays a downloaded documentary on fixing a light bulb, watches it for 2 minutes and then proceeds to remove the dead bulb. Upon realizing that the residents in the house are Muslims, Akhilesh announces a complete waiver on the new bulb’s electricity charges. He then installs a brand new bulb in its place and turns the switch on. The bulb doesn’t glow and they all realize that there is a day-long power cut in the area.
Azam Khan
The senior Samajwadi Party leader arrives at the house where the bulb has gone dead, discovers that the residents are Muslims, and announces that this happened because they are Muslims. Azam pulls the dead bulb out and promises to be back with a new bulb soon. The next day, Azam undertakes a 2-week long massive study tour, across Europe, North America, South America, Antractica and Australia, to learn how light bulbs are replaced in those continents.
Once he’s back, Azam returns to the house and fixes a new bulb in the residence. He tells the residents that the old bulb will be handed over to the Waqf board.
Post Courtesy
http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/02/13/exclusive-part-2-indian-politicians-replace-a-light-bulb/
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Farida Jalal converts to Christianity in the hope of an apology from AIB
Actress Farida Jalal converted to Christianity on Monday evening at St Michael’s Church in Mumbai in the presence of a priest. According to sources close to the veteran actress, she took this drastic decision in the hope of an apology from comedy collective AIB for what some think is a crass dig at her.
(Image via IndiaToday.com)
Speaking to The UnReal Times, the actress who now goes by the name Farida Josephine Jalal, said, “Obviously I was deeply offended by the joke. How can they say something like that after all the countless maa roles that I have done? Of course I was hoping that they’d apologize to me!”
“But several days after the show went viral, forget an apology, not even an explanation came my way,” she added. “Then I read their post on Facebook where they offered an unconditional apology to the archdiocese and the Christian community, and figured out how these things work. I pondered over the matter for a while, then made my way to the church.”
Minutes after news about Farida’s conversion to Christianity hit social media, an AIB member began composing a fresh post on their Facebook page.
Amidst the din over the AIB knockout, we’ve had the opportunity to reach out to some groups who have had questions about the jokes and the taste they were made in. For example, we had extensive discussions with the kind Farida Josephine Jalal. We explained to her that we didn’t set out to hurt her or the Christian community when we wrote the jokes, and offered an unconditional apology to her and the entire Christian community for any offense caused. We’d like to thank the kind Farida Josephine Jalal for sitting down with us, hearing us out and giving us a chance to apologize. AIB believes…
Meanwhile, a fringe Hindu group based in Mumbai has already approached Farida Jalal to enlist her in their next ghar wapsi session.
Article Courtesy:
http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/02/10/farida-jalal-converts-to-christianity-in-the-hope-of-an-apology-from-aib/
(Image via IndiaToday.com)
Speaking to The UnReal Times, the actress who now goes by the name Farida Josephine Jalal, said, “Obviously I was deeply offended by the joke. How can they say something like that after all the countless maa roles that I have done? Of course I was hoping that they’d apologize to me!”
“But several days after the show went viral, forget an apology, not even an explanation came my way,” she added. “Then I read their post on Facebook where they offered an unconditional apology to the archdiocese and the Christian community, and figured out how these things work. I pondered over the matter for a while, then made my way to the church.”
Minutes after news about Farida’s conversion to Christianity hit social media, an AIB member began composing a fresh post on their Facebook page.
Amidst the din over the AIB knockout, we’ve had the opportunity to reach out to some groups who have had questions about the jokes and the taste they were made in. For example, we had extensive discussions with the kind Farida Josephine Jalal. We explained to her that we didn’t set out to hurt her or the Christian community when we wrote the jokes, and offered an unconditional apology to her and the entire Christian community for any offense caused. We’d like to thank the kind Farida Josephine Jalal for sitting down with us, hearing us out and giving us a chance to apologize. AIB believes…
Meanwhile, a fringe Hindu group based in Mumbai has already approached Farida Jalal to enlist her in their next ghar wapsi session.
Article Courtesy:
http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/02/10/farida-jalal-converts-to-christianity-in-the-hope-of-an-apology-from-aib/
Monday, February 9, 2015
How Much Do You Know About Australia
With all due respects, this was sent to me by an American friend based in the KangarooKingdom., a few years back... now with the World Cup round the corner, thought of updating myself...
How much do you really know about Ozzies and Australia
In many respects, the conventions of Australians and Americans, both in behavior (behaviour) and speech, align with similarities. This is even more clear, for instance, when an Australian newspaper made reference to the Mile High Club. And here I was all this time calling it the 1.6 Kilometer Club. No wonder I've struggled with membership.
Anyway, on the subject of cultural comparison, I've long noticed a Facebook group called "You know you're an Australian when . . ." -- which I've of course not yet joined, because it lists 50 measurements for membership, and you need to be painfully bored to read 50-item account of insanity.
Today, though, I was bored. So I took the test, pasted below (with my answers following). I decided to join the group only if I scored 25/50 or better.
1. You're familiar with Neighbours, Home and Away, Playschool, A Country Practice, Norman Gunston, Barry Humphries, Blue Heelers, Ray Martin, Bert Newton, Lisa McCune, Jon Burgess, Number 96, Molly Meldrum, Kerry O'Brien, and of course, Kerry Packer and Rupert Murdoch.
• Only three of these proper nouns ring a bell, perhaps the first handicap of life without television. Granted, one of these three is my boss's boss's boss's boss. But until I meet him, or ride on his private Gulfstream, there's no partial credit. (0/1)
2. You know that Burger King doesn't exist. It's Hungry Jacks.
• Bingo. For proof, see 13-Oct blog reference. (http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07286/825285-402.stm) Never eaten there, though. (1/2)
3. You know that snow is a memorable and freakish occurrence. Sometimes it's even fake.
• Easy. And what is this, Dubai? Most Sydneysiders don't own jackets. (2/3)
4. You know the difference between thongs and a G-banger
• Note to self: find out what a G-banger is. (2/4)
5. You know that "stubbies" are either short shorts or small beer bottles, a "gimp", "bogan" or "geezer" is a random idiot, someone in trouble is in "strife" and you're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something.
• Only the bogan reference eluded me, so I'm counting this. Rooting is the key. Say you're "rooting" here, and people will get the mental picture of nudity and orifices. I was warned about this long before departing for Australian soil. Thank you, Reg (3/5)
6. You know that some people pronounce "Australia" like "Strayla" and that's OK.
• Sure. You hear this especially out in the bush. Or on domestic-made country albums. (4/6)
7. You know that while we call our friends 'mates, we don't use terms like "shiela" and "shrimp on the barbie", contrary to popular belief.
• I've learned this, too. In fact, the whole notion that Australians know barbecue is a dangerous lie. Anybody who's dined here would agree. (5/7)
8. You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer because it tastes like s--t. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.
• I agree with the smack-talk on Fosters. Problem is, other Aussie lagers taste quite the same. (6/8)
9. You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, righto etc.
• I know the language, but don't speak it. Hey, the Multisyllabics gotta have some groupies, too. (6/9)
10. You resent people who succeed over others. Everyone should do the same thing, so we all get a "fair go"; a kind of 'American-dream' in reverse. This is why we actively like not liking Americans.
• Woah -- where did this hostility come from? Australians have this saying that parallels the sentiments above: something about cutting down the tallest trees among us. This culture abhors pretension, which is good. But it leads to a strange shame regarding great achievement, and you get this population overload around the median. I don't understand. (6/10)
11. You've seen Gallipoli, Crocodile Dundee, Young Einstein, Muriel's Wedding, The Castle, Beneath Clouds, Strictly Ballroom, 40,000 Horsemen, and maybe even Wolf Creek.
• No. No. And more no. No regrets losing this point, either. (6/11)
12. It makes you happy when someone in Hollywood is actually Australian. . . Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett, Baz Luhrman, Elle MacPherson, Olivia Newton-John, Midnight Oil, ACDC, INXS, Greg Norman, Cathy Freeman, Dawn Fraser, Pat Rafter, Ian Thorpe. . .
• Heart just isn't in it. (6/12)
13. One word: Skippy.
• Not peanut butter, evidently. (6/13)
14. You know that Sydney 2000 was one of our proudest moments in history. We just rock.
• No mention here, though, that tens of thousands of prescient Sydneysiders took three-week vacations during the Olympics to escape the mayhem. (7/14)
15. You know that you are not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases (remote Aboriginal communities are a different matter).
• Been sick twice here, or more than I'd been in the last three years combined. The ol' immune system has been thrown by the antipodal bacteria. (7/15)
16. You know our country has never been conquered by a foreign nation (you don't count 1788).
• Clearly. Only conqueror here is named Rupert. (8/16)
17. We know that the Metric system will always be better than anything inches, feet, pounds and farenheit will ever offer.
• Disagree, and I will note the linguistic dexterity of "mile" as evidence. There is no metric equivalent, for instance, to gas mileage. No equivalent to the high-flyin' club, either. (8/17)
18. You drive on the left-hand side of the road.
• While feeling simultaneously at ease and bad a--. (9/18)
19. If you're a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them.
• Took awhile, but I'm comfortable now. (10/19)
20. You think of Australia as being somewhat out of place within the Asia-Pacific region; surrounded by unstable ex-colonial nations who regard you as racist, imperialist, and unfairly wealthy.
• True, but at least we've stolen their food. (11/20)
21. You know that New Zealanders are basically our naive country cousins, who have a weird fush-and-chups accent, and for some bizarre reason, think that they invented pavlova. Bastards. They are to be pitied and laughed at. They have no hope of gaining the upper hand in the endless sporting rivalry between our two nations.
• Australia : New Zealand :: US : Canada. (12/21)
22. You know that you can't eat Fantales alone. . . Otherwise who will you play the "Who am I..." game with when you're reading the wrapper?
• Huh? (12/22)
23. You know that Sydney should be the capital because Canberra is a hole.
• Canberra is like Harrisburg, but worse, because it doesn't have this guy. (13/23)
24. You know that Americans think we're all Steve Irwin clones. And crickey, they couldn't be more wrong.
• Confirmed. Australians don't wear those outdoorsy beige vests. (14/24)
25. You know that Lawyers wear wigs and gowns. And we make it look good.
• Documented by G'DFT, 1-Nov. (15/25)
26. You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.
• Never. Not on the Bucket List, either. (15/26)
27. You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread. . . and actually grow to like it. You've also squeeze Vegemite through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.
• Vile quasi-food yeast residue should never be an obligation. (15/27)
28. You believe that democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of good ol' Johnny Howard
• Funny thing about John Howard. He was Australia's PM for 12 years -- or slightly longer, if you believe everything to read here. But in my months living here, I've come to identify a curious quality that I feel certain contributed to Howard's appeal. A shocking portion of Australians between ages 50-65 look almost identical to Howard. Especially when jogging in the morning. They look healthy but well-fed. Generally of pleasant disposition. They are bald and round-faced. They are probably wearing New Balance shoes, with socks pulled up midway to the knees. My theory, basically, is that John Howard got a lot of votes because a lot of voters looked like John Howard. (16/28)
29. You think footballers dressing up in drag on TV is funny (but your son being gay isn't).
• Dear reference, meet the air above my head. (16/29)
30. You have the ability to compress several words into one -- ie g'day' and d'reckn?. This allows more space for profanities.
• Yeah, I've picked up on this. (17/30)
31. You've ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet - to mean good. And then you place "bloody" in front of it when you REALLY mean it.
• I say reckon, but not bloody. (17/31)
32. You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.
• Before we can start with all this Ralph-conch talk, first I gotta meet a man who knows his barbecue. Still waiting. (17/32)
33. The private lives of footy and cricket players become more important than local and national news stories.
• Sometimes, I even write these stories. (18/33)
34. You say "no worries" quite often, whether you realise it or not.
• If it sounds repetitive to others, I can't say I'm worried. (19/34)
35. You know what fairy bread tastes like, and you can't imagine your childhood without it.
• Back in the day, my parents enacted strict regulations on Nintendo and television viewing and sugary cereal, and I'm sure if our grocery store carried anything called fairy bread, it would have faced similar tariffs. (19/35)
36. You know the first verse to the national anthem, but still don't know what "girt" means. And you're OK with that.
• Couldn't recite it verbatim. Even when spotted the mystery word. (19/36)
37. You've drank your tea/coffee/milo through a tim tam.
• Never. But I'm picky about coffee. (19/37)
38. You know that backyard cricket is a nice way to bond with family and the rubbish bin. And the 'one bounce, one hand' rule always applies.
• I've covered cricket, but never played. (19/38)
39. You know that we are home to the just about all of the world's deadliest of animals. That's why if anybody messes with us we'll get some funnel webs on their a--es.
• It's amazing I've survived long enough to answer this question. (20/39)
40. You see people walking bare-foot on the sidewalk and don't scorn... because you're doing it too.
• Frankly, I never see bare feet. I do notice about 90-percent of the population wearing these. (20/40)
41. You know what trop-fest is and it makes you happy.
• Ignorance. (20/41). Please note, by the way, that I picked the 25/50 target without pre-reading these items, and by pure happenstance, I've been dancing just above and just below the 50 percent line. Serendipitous drama, I know.
42. Sausage rolls and meat pies. End of story.
• I've gorged on meat pies this year. Had one yesterday afternoon, for that matter, and the guy who served it to me even mentioned, "I don't know how these haven't caught on in America." Amen. (21/42)
43. You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok and have offered advice that included the words, "she'll be right, mate."
• I'd say, "She'll be alright, mate." Technicality costs a point. (21/43)
44. You have a story that somehow involves an excessive consumption of goon. . . but you can't remember.
• If only. Blog would be richer for it. (21/44)
45. You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours.
• This is a chesty, which I do not own, if only because of residual stigmatisms formed from watching reruns of "Cops." I do, however, own some Bonds boxer briefs. (21/45)
46. You've ordered a steak the size as your head and only paid $5 at your local RSL
• I see signs advertising as much every day. And I keep walking. (21/46)
47. You know that Italy should never have been granted that fateful kick in the 2006 Soccer World Cup.
• Soccer? World Cup details? I'm feeling Pickler-clueless here. (21/47)
48. You know how to slip, slop, slap like it's nobody's business.
• "Budapest? I never even heard of that." (21/48)
49. You've heard the Prime Minister dismiss anyone who disagrees with him simply as "un-Australian," and that's enough to make us sit down and shut up.
• Un-Australian is the Aussie ace card, able to rationalize any behavior. I've seen it first hand. Many nights, it's been the reason to stay at the pub for one more. (22/49)
50. You know that the value of a public holiday is measured in terms of alcohol. God bless the queen and her 4-day birthday.
• Tomorrow is a public holiday, but for once, the pubs are closed. Good Friday ain't good for the Aussies. (23/50) Oh, and 46 percent won't make me an Aussie. Which is fine, frankly. There's no point in declaring full allegiance to a country that hasn't yet released the new DBT album.
How much do you really know about Ozzies and Australia
In many respects, the conventions of Australians and Americans, both in behavior (behaviour) and speech, align with similarities. This is even more clear, for instance, when an Australian newspaper made reference to the Mile High Club. And here I was all this time calling it the 1.6 Kilometer Club. No wonder I've struggled with membership.
Anyway, on the subject of cultural comparison, I've long noticed a Facebook group called "You know you're an Australian when . . ." -- which I've of course not yet joined, because it lists 50 measurements for membership, and you need to be painfully bored to read 50-item account of insanity.
Today, though, I was bored. So I took the test, pasted below (with my answers following). I decided to join the group only if I scored 25/50 or better.
1. You're familiar with Neighbours, Home and Away, Playschool, A Country Practice, Norman Gunston, Barry Humphries, Blue Heelers, Ray Martin, Bert Newton, Lisa McCune, Jon Burgess, Number 96, Molly Meldrum, Kerry O'Brien, and of course, Kerry Packer and Rupert Murdoch.
• Only three of these proper nouns ring a bell, perhaps the first handicap of life without television. Granted, one of these three is my boss's boss's boss's boss. But until I meet him, or ride on his private Gulfstream, there's no partial credit. (0/1)
2. You know that Burger King doesn't exist. It's Hungry Jacks.
• Bingo. For proof, see 13-Oct blog reference. (http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07286/825285-402.stm) Never eaten there, though. (1/2)
3. You know that snow is a memorable and freakish occurrence. Sometimes it's even fake.
• Easy. And what is this, Dubai? Most Sydneysiders don't own jackets. (2/3)
4. You know the difference between thongs and a G-banger
• Note to self: find out what a G-banger is. (2/4)
5. You know that "stubbies" are either short shorts or small beer bottles, a "gimp", "bogan" or "geezer" is a random idiot, someone in trouble is in "strife" and you're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something.
• Only the bogan reference eluded me, so I'm counting this. Rooting is the key. Say you're "rooting" here, and people will get the mental picture of nudity and orifices. I was warned about this long before departing for Australian soil. Thank you, Reg (3/5)
6. You know that some people pronounce "Australia" like "Strayla" and that's OK.
• Sure. You hear this especially out in the bush. Or on domestic-made country albums. (4/6)
7. You know that while we call our friends 'mates, we don't use terms like "shiela" and "shrimp on the barbie", contrary to popular belief.
• I've learned this, too. In fact, the whole notion that Australians know barbecue is a dangerous lie. Anybody who's dined here would agree. (5/7)
8. You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer because it tastes like s--t. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.
• I agree with the smack-talk on Fosters. Problem is, other Aussie lagers taste quite the same. (6/8)
9. You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, righto etc.
• I know the language, but don't speak it. Hey, the Multisyllabics gotta have some groupies, too. (6/9)
10. You resent people who succeed over others. Everyone should do the same thing, so we all get a "fair go"; a kind of 'American-dream' in reverse. This is why we actively like not liking Americans.
• Woah -- where did this hostility come from? Australians have this saying that parallels the sentiments above: something about cutting down the tallest trees among us. This culture abhors pretension, which is good. But it leads to a strange shame regarding great achievement, and you get this population overload around the median. I don't understand. (6/10)
11. You've seen Gallipoli, Crocodile Dundee, Young Einstein, Muriel's Wedding, The Castle, Beneath Clouds, Strictly Ballroom, 40,000 Horsemen, and maybe even Wolf Creek.
• No. No. And more no. No regrets losing this point, either. (6/11)
12. It makes you happy when someone in Hollywood is actually Australian. . . Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett, Baz Luhrman, Elle MacPherson, Olivia Newton-John, Midnight Oil, ACDC, INXS, Greg Norman, Cathy Freeman, Dawn Fraser, Pat Rafter, Ian Thorpe. . .
• Heart just isn't in it. (6/12)
13. One word: Skippy.
• Not peanut butter, evidently. (6/13)
14. You know that Sydney 2000 was one of our proudest moments in history. We just rock.
• No mention here, though, that tens of thousands of prescient Sydneysiders took three-week vacations during the Olympics to escape the mayhem. (7/14)
15. You know that you are not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases (remote Aboriginal communities are a different matter).
• Been sick twice here, or more than I'd been in the last three years combined. The ol' immune system has been thrown by the antipodal bacteria. (7/15)
16. You know our country has never been conquered by a foreign nation (you don't count 1788).
• Clearly. Only conqueror here is named Rupert. (8/16)
17. We know that the Metric system will always be better than anything inches, feet, pounds and farenheit will ever offer.
• Disagree, and I will note the linguistic dexterity of "mile" as evidence. There is no metric equivalent, for instance, to gas mileage. No equivalent to the high-flyin' club, either. (8/17)
18. You drive on the left-hand side of the road.
• While feeling simultaneously at ease and bad a--. (9/18)
19. If you're a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them.
• Took awhile, but I'm comfortable now. (10/19)
20. You think of Australia as being somewhat out of place within the Asia-Pacific region; surrounded by unstable ex-colonial nations who regard you as racist, imperialist, and unfairly wealthy.
• True, but at least we've stolen their food. (11/20)
21. You know that New Zealanders are basically our naive country cousins, who have a weird fush-and-chups accent, and for some bizarre reason, think that they invented pavlova. Bastards. They are to be pitied and laughed at. They have no hope of gaining the upper hand in the endless sporting rivalry between our two nations.
• Australia : New Zealand :: US : Canada. (12/21)
22. You know that you can't eat Fantales alone. . . Otherwise who will you play the "Who am I..." game with when you're reading the wrapper?
• Huh? (12/22)
23. You know that Sydney should be the capital because Canberra is a hole.
• Canberra is like Harrisburg, but worse, because it doesn't have this guy. (13/23)
24. You know that Americans think we're all Steve Irwin clones. And crickey, they couldn't be more wrong.
• Confirmed. Australians don't wear those outdoorsy beige vests. (14/24)
25. You know that Lawyers wear wigs and gowns. And we make it look good.
• Documented by G'DFT, 1-Nov. (15/25)
26. You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.
• Never. Not on the Bucket List, either. (15/26)
27. You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread. . . and actually grow to like it. You've also squeeze Vegemite through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.
• Vile quasi-food yeast residue should never be an obligation. (15/27)
28. You believe that democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of good ol' Johnny Howard
• Funny thing about John Howard. He was Australia's PM for 12 years -- or slightly longer, if you believe everything to read here. But in my months living here, I've come to identify a curious quality that I feel certain contributed to Howard's appeal. A shocking portion of Australians between ages 50-65 look almost identical to Howard. Especially when jogging in the morning. They look healthy but well-fed. Generally of pleasant disposition. They are bald and round-faced. They are probably wearing New Balance shoes, with socks pulled up midway to the knees. My theory, basically, is that John Howard got a lot of votes because a lot of voters looked like John Howard. (16/28)
29. You think footballers dressing up in drag on TV is funny (but your son being gay isn't).
• Dear reference, meet the air above my head. (16/29)
30. You have the ability to compress several words into one -- ie g'day' and d'reckn?. This allows more space for profanities.
• Yeah, I've picked up on this. (17/30)
31. You've ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet - to mean good. And then you place "bloody" in front of it when you REALLY mean it.
• I say reckon, but not bloody. (17/31)
32. You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.
• Before we can start with all this Ralph-conch talk, first I gotta meet a man who knows his barbecue. Still waiting. (17/32)
33. The private lives of footy and cricket players become more important than local and national news stories.
• Sometimes, I even write these stories. (18/33)
34. You say "no worries" quite often, whether you realise it or not.
• If it sounds repetitive to others, I can't say I'm worried. (19/34)
35. You know what fairy bread tastes like, and you can't imagine your childhood without it.
• Back in the day, my parents enacted strict regulations on Nintendo and television viewing and sugary cereal, and I'm sure if our grocery store carried anything called fairy bread, it would have faced similar tariffs. (19/35)
36. You know the first verse to the national anthem, but still don't know what "girt" means. And you're OK with that.
• Couldn't recite it verbatim. Even when spotted the mystery word. (19/36)
37. You've drank your tea/coffee/milo through a tim tam.
• Never. But I'm picky about coffee. (19/37)
38. You know that backyard cricket is a nice way to bond with family and the rubbish bin. And the 'one bounce, one hand' rule always applies.
• I've covered cricket, but never played. (19/38)
39. You know that we are home to the just about all of the world's deadliest of animals. That's why if anybody messes with us we'll get some funnel webs on their a--es.
• It's amazing I've survived long enough to answer this question. (20/39)
40. You see people walking bare-foot on the sidewalk and don't scorn... because you're doing it too.
• Frankly, I never see bare feet. I do notice about 90-percent of the population wearing these. (20/40)
41. You know what trop-fest is and it makes you happy.
• Ignorance. (20/41). Please note, by the way, that I picked the 25/50 target without pre-reading these items, and by pure happenstance, I've been dancing just above and just below the 50 percent line. Serendipitous drama, I know.
42. Sausage rolls and meat pies. End of story.
• I've gorged on meat pies this year. Had one yesterday afternoon, for that matter, and the guy who served it to me even mentioned, "I don't know how these haven't caught on in America." Amen. (21/42)
43. You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok and have offered advice that included the words, "she'll be right, mate."
• I'd say, "She'll be alright, mate." Technicality costs a point. (21/43)
44. You have a story that somehow involves an excessive consumption of goon. . . but you can't remember.
• If only. Blog would be richer for it. (21/44)
45. You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours.
• This is a chesty, which I do not own, if only because of residual stigmatisms formed from watching reruns of "Cops." I do, however, own some Bonds boxer briefs. (21/45)
46. You've ordered a steak the size as your head and only paid $5 at your local RSL
• I see signs advertising as much every day. And I keep walking. (21/46)
47. You know that Italy should never have been granted that fateful kick in the 2006 Soccer World Cup.
• Soccer? World Cup details? I'm feeling Pickler-clueless here. (21/47)
48. You know how to slip, slop, slap like it's nobody's business.
• "Budapest? I never even heard of that." (21/48)
49. You've heard the Prime Minister dismiss anyone who disagrees with him simply as "un-Australian," and that's enough to make us sit down and shut up.
• Un-Australian is the Aussie ace card, able to rationalize any behavior. I've seen it first hand. Many nights, it's been the reason to stay at the pub for one more. (22/49)
50. You know that the value of a public holiday is measured in terms of alcohol. God bless the queen and her 4-day birthday.
• Tomorrow is a public holiday, but for once, the pubs are closed. Good Friday ain't good for the Aussies. (23/50) Oh, and 46 percent won't make me an Aussie. Which is fine, frankly. There's no point in declaring full allegiance to a country that hasn't yet released the new DBT album.
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